Promises
by tamarindblue
Summary: Another promise wouldn't hurt after all.


**PROMISES**

The first time, he sees her, she is at Gaius' office.

He is his sloppy intern, and he barges into the office to tell him about how Nimueh tried to shoot her husband thinking he was an adversary Wizard.

The look on their faces is a mixture of amusement and annoyance, and he realises how very inappropriate he just was.

"Sorry"

"What is up, Merlin?"

"It's Nimueh s she tri -.. "

" Wait a second, his name is Merlin, like the legend" she laughs wholeheartedly and he finds himself frowning at her, she takes it lightly though.

"Sorry, it is just the name is pretty unconventional, that's all"

His face relaxes a little bit, he takes her apology as a goodwill gesture.

He takes his time to assess her.

Admittedly, she is breathtaking. She has this regally mystique aura about her.

Cascading black as coal hair, alabaster skin and piercing green eyes.

"Nevermind, it happens a lot, yours is?"

"Morgana" she smiles.

"well, what a coincidence!" he laughs at the irony.

"I'll get to my leave now, good to see you Gaius, you too Merlin"

"You don't have to, Morgana, it can wait" Gaius assured.

"I was leaving anyway, you know, thanks for your time"

"Fine, send my greetings off to Arther and Uther".

she nodded

* * *

Gaius refers her to him afterwards,

She is a borderline, with severe abandonment issues,

With an unwavering hatred towards her warden -turned biological father- who wouldn't acknowledge her.

She was feeling leftout since her brother's involvement with her friend.

She was a lot of trouble.

* * *

"Tell me about yourself" she asked

"well, there isn't much to tell"

"Really, because somehow your eyes seem to tell a different story"

"And what do they tell you, great seer?" he joked.

"that you are hiding up a plenty and that you need to let it out"

"It is you who is important not me, your story is what matters not mine"

"You will tell me yours one day"

"Definitely, but not today" he smiled.

* * *

She was begining to improve under his care

"I promise I'll help" he assured her.

However the thing is, they were becoming a bit informal around each other.

Phonecalls, outings ..

She introduced him to Arthur , her brother and best friend , and his fiancee Gwen.

A whole lot of stuff than isn't deemed proper.

* * *

"Merlin, this needs to stop" Gaius managed to doublecross him that day.

"What are you talking about?"

"Morgana"

"ohhh.."

"It is just a platonic friend..."

"It shouldn't be that even"

"you should be careful, otherwise you would ruin her and yourself"

* * *

That night she visits him, She is an awful mess, she has faced off with Uther and it took a rough turn.

"I need to talk to you"

Yet, the chasist talk spiralled out of control, beyond boundaries.

After That fateful night, it was time to face reprecussions.

He could no longer lie to himself, he was smitten with Morgana, his Patient.

And he tangled himself into an ethical mess that might end his future career.

He doesn't remember being so reckless in his life.

* * *

He grows weary, detached, he deflects her, cancels their appointments

Until she corners him, she faces him, demands and answer,

"Why are you running away from me?"

"I ... Look it is complicated, this shouldn't have happened, it is unethical, immoral, I exploited your vulnerability.. God, I .."

"I haven't felt happier or safer than with you"

"That is the point .. it is just that you are a patient, it is natural you feel attached to me"

"I know what you are talking about and I know it isn't that way, I love you Merlin, really"

"Me too"

And he doesn't know what to do.

* * *

He refers her to another psychatrist, the capable Morgause.

"She is a snot"

"I promise you Will come to trust her, She is one of the best in the field"

"Not better than you" she whines,

"Maybe, but in order to have a shot, we have to sever this patient-doctor relationship, you will have to see her and comply"

"Fine" she cheekily replies.

* * *

Gaius was livid persay when he knew about the extend of the matter.

"It doesn't suit you being Judgemental"

"Judgemental?! Merlin, this mistake could cost you your entire career, and you are telling me that I am what?! It is all my fault, goddammit, I shouldn't have referred her to you, I thought someone her age might do better, but I never thought you'd be this irresponsable"

"I wasn't, It just happened OK, It got out of hand"

"You have to stop it, that's better for both of you"

* * *

Arthur and Gwen were more compliant, more accepting

"You hurt her, you are screwed"

* * *

Not in a million years did he expect to meet the infamous Uther Pendragon.

He was a man that exuded haughtiness and authority, a no nonsense man with hard eyes.

"You need to leave her alone" he was simply commanding.

"Why should I?"

"I thought you weren't supposed to do that with your doctor's oath and all, you will do what I say or I will make sure your licence is revoked for good"

"That doesn't scare me much"

"Perhaps, but think about a couple of years later, think about when she gets better and the transient influence of yours wears off, think about how she would hate you, she would see as nothing more than an enchanter, a seducer who lured her out to a trap.. a cheap traitor"

Merlin was drained.

* * *

She comes to him the very same day, in a catatonic state.

She is wailing, she is mumbling heavy curses upon Uther and a friend of his called Alvarr.

He calms her down, Promises her everything would be alright.

However his mind is reeling under Uther's effect.

He decides it isn't gonna work.

* * *

He is trying to break it off to her, yet she is hard to argue with, hard to turn down.

"This has to stop" he huskily gasps ... But She's Morgana and she doesn't stop.

His resolve is slightly weakened but he knows that he has to stop ...

"look, this is risky, you are just muddled.. I am your physician .. We can't"

"What do you mean by muddled? You think I wouldn't know what I want or don't want, c'mon Merlin, we have gone over this millions of times already, you know as well as I know that you want this, you want our relationship to evolve from this. Isn't that why you refered me to Morgause? Isn't that what you said?" she pleads

"I..."

"You what, Merlin?" she viciously demands .

"Look, let's take time to cool and think properly"

"You aren't any different, are you?"

"What do you mean by different?"

"From Uther, from Arthur, from them all, all who left me, you promised you won't abandon me" She sounds broken, so utterly broken and defeated.

verging on crying, but No, She won't . He Knows better than anyone that Morgana wouldn't cry in front of him, now after what he just said.

"Fine then, goodbye, Merlin"

And it aches .

His heart is breaking with every step she takes away but he stands his ground.

' It's better for both of you' Gaius' voice echoes in his Mind.

* * *

He heard she stopped visiting Morgause.

He hears all kind of stuff about her nowadays.

How she constantly fights with Arthur, How she was found unconscious in a dingy underground club , how she scarcely talks to Gwen .

How she left uther's place to god Knows where.

He hears about Alvarr and how Arthur managed to save her from the delinquent's grasp.

What bothers him the most is what he hears about her escalating drinking problem.

* * *

Coincidence didn't work in his favour especially when he decided to ambush her this evening in her flat the same time her brother was coming.

That guy could through a punch.

Arthur knocked him down.

"I am here to help" Merlin spluttered

"we don't need your help, it is your help that brought us to the dead zone"

In his heart, he knew it was true.

"you can shove me off all you want, hit me as hard as you could muster, but I am not leaving without seeing her"

* * *

She is pretty tipsy when she opens the door, and for a moment they are both disoriented. He is struck by how shrievelled she looked, paperthin almost hollow.

As for her, she manages to recover quickly, switch her facade rapidly from a genuinely surprised facade to an apathetic expressionless one.

"What do you both want?"

"Let us in" Arthur asks "please?"

She just rolls and clears a way for both.

The place oozes booze and Hash and smoke.

"This needs to stop Morgana" Arthur reasons

"what needs to stop?"

"All this, the mindless drinking, the precarious behaviour, the drug habit. All this"

"You don't tell me what to do"

She gulps at her vodka and reaches not for a fill but for the whole bottle and he can't but aggressively snatch at her.

"Look, Morgana, it is slowly killing you, look at your face" he shudders

If looks could kill, Merlin would have fallen dead on the spot.

The look contempt she was giving him was definitely heavy.

His eyes betray him and softens.

"you have to find another way, we can find another way" he pleads

"There is no other way"

Her voice is full of desperation and sadness , A melancholy that strips him, making him guilty to the bones.

* * *

He leaves her fighting nonsense with Arthur and walks on his own to contemplate.

He was wrong.

He shouldn't have left her like that whatever the Consequences were.

It has only driven her over the edge.

and he doesn't Know how he could fix this.

* * *

He Calls Gwen to consult her.

They opt forth most primitive apology technique : Chocolate .

And so the nextday, he is Knocking On the door with a heart shaped chocolate box that she throws in his face.

It takes him 5 messed boxes of Chocolate before the temptation gets to her and she finally relents.

He goes slowly, and it starts to get better, she'd answer his phonecalls instead of hanging up.

They even manage to doubledate with Arthur and Gwen the following months.

* * *

"Promise me something, Merlin" She says as he is walking her home.

"Anything"

"Promise you will never leave me again"

"I have never known you to be the cheesy type, Morgana" he teased

"Just Promise" she snapped

"Fine, fine, I solemnly swear I will never leave you Morgana, as if I ever could"

"You are never telling me your story"

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything, like your parents, who they are? What do they do? Why did you become a shrink of all things? Your relationship with Gaius, your previous Girl..."

"Whoa..., slowdown one at a time"

"Get going"

"I was raised by my mum. Her name is Hunith and she lives a little bit further away from here. My father Balinor, died when I was 1 year old. He was a Shrink as you call it, however he lost it and committed suicide" He tried to sound detached, casual yet he couldn't but feel a lump in his throat.

"I am sorry"

"Neverming, it was long ago, Gaius was his colleague and my uncle who took me under his wing and took care of me and Mum early on"

"So you are following his legacy in a way"

"Maybe, You still think about your mother?"

"Not as much, I am Learning to Cope and forget. She wasn't the best person, still though she was weak and Unstable, that is why she betrayed her husband, that is why she ended her life•))

"Now, I don't like where this conversation is going' It's becoming very sombre. we should try to be happy, we should think happy"

"You are right, we should"

* * *

For the 1st time in weeks, he falls into a Peaceful sleep.

He wakes up in the morning, relaxed, cheerful and happy.

He finds a simple late night text from Morgana, one that he missed last night

'I need you'

He Calls her over To no avail.

When his door rings and he leaps forward to open up for her, He doesn't expect to find a pale faced Gaius instead.

"There is something you need to see "

* * *

He drives him off to hospital and at first he is clueless.

Up until he finds a weeping Arthur and a wailing Gwen.

"she is gone"

And the world blacks Out.

* * *

He was in a trance.

He was taken to see her One last time, her dark hair was framing her now Pale face, Completely devoid of colour. .

The perfect contrast. his mind bitterly remarked.

* * *

"She Was visited by uther before she overdosed on the medication, he threatened to Committe her to a psychiatric Ward, he threatened to revoke your licence, now That he bought Morgause To his side" Arthur recounted what the neighbours could catch, from their vicious Loud fight .

"When he Came home, I Knew that he messed up the usual way so next morning I took off to her place with Gwen..."

'She was trying to Call me, She needed my support ... I failed her' His mind darkly registered.

And he went Catatonic.

* * *

Naturally, Arthur cut off any ties with Uther. as for him,

It takes him a year of recovery and rehabiliation with Gaius around his mother before he could muster enough control and mettle to resume his Job.

* * *

A few Years Later, he meets a girl, The lovely frail Freya, Sweet, Calm and Understanding.

"You never forget her"

"Who?"

"This person in the back of Your mind , the one you Call her name in your sleep"

"I am sorry"

* * *

"You still come here"

They are both old, grey has started to infest their hair.

"Same as you"

"I am her brother, it is my obligation, my duty, you on the other hand, I thought you'd forget one day"

"She is unforgettable simple as that"

"I should probably go, it is freezing cold here, seems like it would snow soon as well"

"I would stay a while"

* * *

He doesn't Cry or speak or anything.

He has come to accept this loss long ago, all the whirlpools and tides of sadness have rested now, even though he doesn't forget her.

He stares wistfully at the marble plaque.

He takes quite some time before leaving a One feisty red rose on her grave.

An unspoken apology for all the promises he couldn't keep.

"I'll see you around soon, sooner than you think''

Another promise wouldn't hurt after all.

May be he will fulfill this one.


End file.
